Ohh Hey

Pictionary ya boii

I know that millions of you have been refreshing my page over and over, hoping I’d have a new post. But sadly your refreshing was in vain.

Last week was Thanksgiving break and I took a hiatus from the internet (other than Twitter on my phone). I missed it dearly… Youtube, Farmville, and especially picking songs of the day! But I’m back in full force, friendos! So don’t even worry.

The picture you see is of my Thanksgiving festivities. I was happier than I looked by the way.

-mmbizz

I Can’t Hear Myself Talking, But I’m Saying “OW THIS HURTS”

:-(

I am currently on amoxicillin, sudafed, and ibuprofen yet I still feel as if a really annoying person is poking my eardrums with a knife. To explain my current state, I’ll provide a (very) long poem.

I went to sleep last night, feeling fit and fine… knowing I didn’t have to wake up for quite sometime

Dang was I wrong to be an optimist! I was rudely awakened and became super pissed.

What possibly awoke me from my calm serene slumber? My dreams were cracked like the butt of a plumber.

A jolt of pain shot through my head! I quickly sat up and ran out of bed

My ears were throbbing and full of pressure. The way I felt was the opposite of pleasure

I had aches, pains, and was unable to hear. “Ahh what happened?” I stuttered with fear

Luckily I had my trusty phone and access to Google. I went to a free doctor website because I’m so frugal

My symptoms matched those of a bad ear infection, so I left class early to get an inspection

After hours of sitting and waiting, my ear got even worse and my patience was fading

Luckily my name was finally called, by an old woman who was not very… tall

She looked in my ears and made no mention… of a potential ear infection.

She claimed there were no problems and that I was fine. “But why am I in so much pain???” I whined

Despite her doubts, she gave me some meds. I take two during the day and one before bed

I’m not feeling better, in fact I feel worse. This all makes me want to curse

I still can’t hear and am pretty much deaf. I’m in a constant state of what the eff.

So yep. my ears hurt so much that the vibrations of listening to music send a jolt of pain throughout my entire body.

But I hope whoever’s reading this is having a pleasant evening!

-mmbizz

Rain Update

This is me incredibly sad and introspective in my soaked rain coat

I am sorry to report that the rain was so heavy today that not only did the water penetrate my rain coat, but I was forced to abandon my flip flops for more appropriate footwear.

I packed flip flops in my backpack in the hopes that the madness would stop, but alas it is still raining almost as much as I make it rain on hos. That is all.

-mmbizz

Every Season is Flip Flop Season

from the mouth of Tyra herself (tyrashow.com)

This is kind of weird because writing about shoes will make this my second post about clothing…18.1 percent! My life is not 18.1 percent fashion, that is fo sho. Anywayz…

 

Today was rainy as per usual in Norcal, but it was actually even rainier than usual. If you think that kept me from donning flippy floppys, you are sorely mistaken friendos. No inclimate weather could keep me from my precious blue flips… they just match my blue fleece coat so perfectly!

I exited my building while jamming to the new Lady GaGa single Bad Romance. Wait. Can I just say Lady GaGa is my new role model? That music video is my new favorite thing ever! <– Wow off topic. My bad. I’ll italicize my off topicness. Ok back to me heading outside in flip flops. I don’t understand why everyone gets in a tizzy over rain. I was probably the only person without an umbrella in sight, but it wasn’t even raining that hard. True, it wasn’t a mere drizzle, but not enough to merit a huge umbrella.

The umbrella part doesn’t even bother me so much as the fact that all the girls were in rain boots (the tall plastic kind). Ugh I hate rain boots. Unless you’re wading in a creek, I will probably laugh at you if you are wearing rain boots, no matter how cute the print is on them. I didn’t laugh today because I was in such shock from seeing the sheer mass of them. I got along just fine in flip flops by hopping across small puddles. Hopping was surprisingly fun and I didn’t mind the looks I recieved.

no words needed

I should be the one giving them looks for being so ridiculous. Pfffft rainboots. And don’t get me started on Uggs (aptly named). By the way, what is goin on with this ensemble to my left? Granted, I am jealous of the plaid leggings.

-mmbizz

 

Introducing… The Coolest Person Everz!

I am pleased to introduce “the Shizz w/ MMbizz”’s new guest author… Bonanza!

BONANZA

You’ve met her before in PART THREE of my exclusive interview with myself, but here is the proper introduction she deserves. I’m obviously a fan of interviews, so what better way to show you what she’s all about than an interview?

-mmbizz

Which Spice Girl do you identify most with? which one is your favorite? finally, which one do you think I’m most like? (asked over IM)

Bonanza: Well I suppose I identify the most with Posh Spice.  We both luurrve David Beckham! What a hottie with a body! Plus we’re both sexy bitches. but I could never pick a favorite spice girl, they each add their own flavor (pun intended) to the group and they’re all just so cool. And I would say you are most like Scary Spice, you’ve each had a baby with Eddie Murphy.

Mmbizz: Also you and Posh are a bit unemotional.

Bonanza: That’s true, but she seems to be stuck in bitchy mode, while I on the other hand seem to be stuck in a state of chillness.

Mmbizz: Right so that makes you a contender to win over David Beckham?

Bonanza: Exactly, I like to think that we are competing for his affection. They may have children together, but whatevs, I’m just a cooler person.

Describe yourself in 3 words. “Cool” can’t be one of the words (nor a synonym for any of the words… i.e awesome, etc.)

Humorous, unique, above-average.

If you could get one wish granted by Melissa the magical fairy, what would it be?

To apperate. Easy. Or for Devid Beckham to wake up, look at Posh, and say “what the hell am I doing” and ditch her and come running to me.

If you had to spend a year on a deserted island with one other person, who would you want it to be?

If I was being nice I’d say you, or one of my other fine friends. But if I’m being a little more honest, I’d say an attractive man looking for a humorous, unique, and above-average person. Cuz i’d totally hit that.

Would you rather have lots of short flings + lots of sex, or one long meaningful relationship without sex? Let’s say in a 10 month span.

I think I would say lots of short flings and lots of sex.  Then by the time I met a person I wanted to have a long relationship with, I’d have perfected all of my sex techniques so I’d just be amazing in bed, so he’d never want to leave haha.

Would you rather work at a pet store (dealing with the actual animals) for $20 an hour, or a non-animal store (with the same amount of work) for $10 an hour? (in IM format again)

Bonanza: This depends, is the job at the non animal store just another shitty job, or one of my ideal jobs? Like a bartender.

Mmbizz: How about the scuba shop?

Bonanza: Scuba shop. I couldn’t handle a pet store. Too many rodents and too many people who like rodents.

Exclusive Interview with Melissa… by a Special Guest! (part three)

This installment is even more exciting because I didn’t have to interview myself! My good friend and esteemed colleague Bonanza asked me the tough questions. She even answered some of them herself!

What is your favorite animal to eat?

MMBIZZ: Ahh! I like to frolic and talk with my animal friends, so I am not fond of that phrasing… but you probably did that on purpose, didn’t you Bonanza? I suppose my favorite animal to eat would have to be cow, because of its versatility. Hamburgers are quite scrumptious and steak is pretty good. So yeah cow can be formal or informal! These days I don’t eat meat though, because I’m trying to see how long I can go as a vegetarian. The upcoming Thanksgiving holiday doesn’t count. Duh.

BONANZA: Ooh i love eating animals! Ok well my favorite animal to eat is probs either cow or lamb.  I love a good steak (rare of course) but lamb chops are pretty damn good.

Why are you so cool?

MMBIZZ: I’ve asked myself this question constantly throughout my life. I’m trying to pinpoint the exact moment my coolness began, but it goes back as far as I can remember. It could be when I got my first part-time modeling job in my younger days (true story). Maybe it started when I exotic danced in front of 100 people in Hawaii when I was two. Or when people fought each other for the privilege of pushing me in my wheelchair when I had a broken leg in Kindergarten. Those are all viable options for when I became cool. However, scientists haven’t been able to prove exactly why I’m so cool. They’ve been so pre-occupied with this question that they were too busy figuring me out to notice all the mercury in the swine flu vaccine.

What is on your ideal sandwich?

MMBIZZ: To begin, no sandwich would be ideal unless it’s freshly prepared. I have a big problem with flavors melding, especially condiments. Also, I cannot eat a sandwich that has been in a plastic baggie because I am so sensitive to the taste of plastic. If I could have a fresh, pure sandwich, it would be on a hoagie and have turkey, shredded lettuce, onion, mayonnaise, and vinegar. I’m not a fan of cheese on a sandwich because it messes up the texture of the bread.

BONANZA: Well i should preface this answer by saying that this is a very tough decision as sandwiches are perhaps my favorite food. I’m never going to have a definitive answer, so I’ll just say that sandwiches are wonderful, and i could never pick a favorite. but i will say that i could eat at least one sandwich every day for the rest of my life and never get tired of them.

What brand of condom do you prefer? Flavor?

MMBIZZ: Oh… you mean condiment? I was just discussing those. I like mayo. But in all seriousness, I like m&m’s brand because “it melts in your mouth, not your hands.” As for flavors, I’d have to say cherry teehee.

Do you prefer being clothed or naked?

MMBIZZ: I refused to wear clothes when I was a wee one so I would have definitely said naked back then, but now it would depend on the season. I’d rather wear clothes (except socks… I hate those) in the winter even if I was inside, because I like wearing winter clothes a lot. Especially hats. In the other seasons, I wouldn’t mind just wearing nothing. Oh except a bra…. I can’t stand not having one on. Did that cross the weird line? Hmmm… oh well. My ideal summer outfit would be a bra and a bucket hat.

BONANZA: Unless I’m outside and its super cold, or I need to sit on a very hot surface for some reason, I would rather be naked. It’s too bad nudity isn’t more socially acceptable.

If you had a child tomorrow what would you name it?

MMBIZZ: Girl: Pleasura, Hakridli, or Vickigail. Boy: Diderot or Pornwadi. Those are actual names except for Pleasura and Hakridli, which I proudly take full credit for.

Dragons or Unicorns?

MMBIZZ: Dragons fo sho. Unicorns are so stupid. They’re just horses with one horn. The only special power I can think of for a horn is really inappropriate, so maybe that makes it sort of cool. But I always associated unicorns with girly things, which I was never ever into. Not to mention, dragons can breathe fire so obvi them.

BONANZA: Hippogriff. But if i had to pick I’d say dragons, they are just more fierce.

How cool is the person interviewing you?

BONANZA: She likes to meditate in the woods and play with the raccoons, I think the answer speaks for itself.

MMBIZZ: Let me put it this way: she’s almost as cool as me. That speaks for itself. Oh and so does this picture:

I’m blue da ba dee da ba die…

I am in great need of the fashion police…or the September issue.

This morning I got out of bed earlier than usual. That meant I had lots of extra time to plan a fabulous outfit of course, so I opened my top drawer and grabbed a blue t-shirt. I then opened my middle drawer and picked a pair of blue jeans. Looking out the window, I could see it was raining… so my blue fleece coat was the most appropriate choice.

I put on my carefully planned outfit. Upon looking in the mirror, I wasn’t too pleased. If I was the kind of person who talked to myself, which I’m totally not** because that’s weird, I would have said, “Ohhh Melissa. Girl, you need to tone down on the blue.” I opened my top drawer again to pick a new shirt. To sum it up, my color choices were red and many other shades of blue. Could I wear red? No way yo. What if I wore a lighter blue? That would be just as bad as what I was currently wearing.

this has gone too far

What a terrible conundrum. Every single coat I have is blue. Really? Why do I have four blue coats? Why are all my t-shirts blue? Why have I never noticed this fashion faux-pas before?

Now I find myself in a saddened state of shock. My lifelong dream of being Paris Hilton’s bff is shattered. No one wants a bff with poor color coordination. Suddenly now I’m even more disillusioned upon noticing that I’m wearing blue flip flops. Wait… my necklace is blue too.

Am I too worried about my blueness, or should I follow my instincts and roller blade on down to the nearest mall? I obviously need help. It’s hard to be a seductress when I look like a blueberry.

-mmbizz

**That’s a lie… I said to myself whilst typing.